Are the holidays starting to stress you out and you’re not so sure how to survive Thanksgiving and all the other upcoming festivities? Do you feel like no one in your family really gets you? As someone who’s traveled the busy airports, hosted the whole family, been asked all the awkward single-girl questions, and found myself biting my tongue much too much, I feel your pain.
Hello, holiday party perfectionist or pooper (both are acceptable here!)…
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We all love our families, right? But somehow between that special bond and admiration can be some really annoying stuff. Can’t we just have our cranberry sauce in peace?
Apparently, this is asking too much.
I want you to know you’re not alone. Holiday gatherings are hard and, even though I love this time of year, I’m also BY FAR the most highly sensitive person in my family who’s had to learn my own unique techniques on how to survive Thanksgiving and all the other holiday fixin’s.
Other than staying on your couch hidden under a hoodie and screening your calls (which, I’m not going lie…sounds delightful!), you can get out there and enjoy this season.
This post is all about how to survive Thanksgiving, no matter what may come your way.
How to Survive Thanksgiving When You’re Hosting
Thanksgiving Hosting Do’s & Don’ts
Do order as much pre-made food as you want, then place on fancy platters
For two years in a row, the Tennesseans and the Texans visited my humble home to gather, share a meal, and probably shop. Sounds lovely, doesn’t it?
Well, maybe for someone who likes and CAN cook.
So, I ordered a ton of pre-made food as possible and displayed it all on my fancy schmancy platters. I buy platters for moments like these!
Other things I suggest:
- If you’re having out-of-town guests, buy food for SEVERAL gatherings. ‘Cause no one’s gonna want whatever’s in your fridge right now. If it’s anything like my kitchen, you’ll be serving some pea protein shakes with a side of microwave popcorn and a can of green beans. Do a Costco run, my friend! Your people will be over at your home A LOT…especially if they’re staying there.
- Ask any cooks in the family to help you prep. I don’t know, maybe they’ll cook most of it while you sip your Prosecco.
- Speaking of Prosecco, offer a variety of drinks, including non-alcoholic for the drivers in the group and, well, the children.
- Check your guests’ dietary restrictions at least a week beforehand. Vegetarians, vegans, and cookie addicts should all feel welcome!
Good Guest Etiquette:
If you don’t eat meat,
but show up to a full-on barbecue,
proceed graciously.
With the exception of allergies,
food sensitivities,
and health conditions,
try to be a kind guest
and accept the meal presented to you.
When I’m at someone’s home,
I’ll enjoy whatever they serve,
even if I don’t generally eat a lot of meat.
I think it shows respect to your host
and also the animals who gave their lives
for the meal.
don’t learn to cook an hour before the big meal
Thinking I was such a smartypants for pre-ordering my entire meal, I didn’t realize you had to actually HEAT THINGS UP and like COOK THEM. Like, individually. And some things took HOURS.
In the meantime, my oven was smoking, most likely from under-use. My dad who MUST eat at a certain time or becomes possibly rabid, paced in and out of the kitchen, refusing my hors d’Oeuvres I was so proud of providing. My mom tripped and FELL because one of the dogs ran under her feet. My future boyfriend was no help since, DUH, I just hadn’t met him yet! And my brother reminded me his drink needed to be a bit more chilled.
Can we say Mama needs a Bloody Mary???
Do Start cleaning, decluttering, and prepping at least a week before
You’re really not going to do this, are you? Me neither!
But if we want to know how to survive Thanksgiving, I hear this could help!
Don’t scream at your brother when he points out the cobwebs in the corners
Instead, hand him a roll to put in his big mouth, then immediately find your emergency ear buds and blast some happy music.
How to Survive Thanksgiving When People Ask Awkward Questions
Thanksgiving Conversation Do’s & Don’ts
The holidays have a way of bringing out the best and worst in us. And, for some reason, the single people in the group get the most personal, uncomfortable, and bizarre questions and comments directed towards them. It’s not fair, but it happens.
I know this because I was single for many years and was living like all three Bridget Jones’ movies (minus the baby). I’ve heard it all (or at least most of it):
- Are you dating anyone?
- DO you date?
- Have you tried online dating?
- Gosh, I can’t believe you’re still single!
- You should go out more. You won’t meet anyone sitting at home!
- Something’s wrong with a woman if she’s not married by 30. UM. WHAT!??
- No wonder you’re single, dressed like that!
- Do you think y’all will ever get married?
- Are you waiting for marriage? (This is a very ’90s youth group thing to say. And I say this because I was in a ’90s youth group and this was said to me about 15 years ago from someone in my former ’90s youth group!)
- Do you have a bun in the oven? UM. WHAT AGAIN!??
Everything above is something that’s been said to me or about me. Of course, this is not an exhaustive list. But, more than ever, no one needs to date or be married or have kids to be a fully fulfilled human, says THIS childless KAT lady.
do Remember Most people say things with good intentions
Not everyone is a master at eloquent conversation, a natural with emotional intelligence, or a pro at reading the room.
Knowing this, it can give us perspective and help take some comments with a grain of salt!
don’t let them get the best of you
You may want a partner, and words like the ones above can add more hurt to the pain that goes with meeting one ne’er-do-well after another.
You may love spending time alone or just with your fur child (I know I do!) and never want to be tied down, so then you’re left feeling unseen and minimized.
You just may be completely worn out from doing it all on your own…and stinky comments just don’t help.
But, remember, they can’t dim your sparkle!
And single people aren’t the only ones who get the weird questions. Couples, those who’ve gone through a recent breakup or loss or those struggling with finances, mental health, job loss, chronic disease, or other stressors, can be put in an unwanted spotlight, too:
- Are y’all planning on having kids?
- When do you think you’ll start dating again?
- Have you tried holistic treatments?
- Why is your kid acting like that?
- Everything will work out!
- At least, you don’t have it THAT bad.
do Have some responses ready
If Aunt Becky asks, When are you getting married, doll? You know you’re not getting any younger!, here are a few things you could say, aside from taking a big bite of pie and talking incoherently:
- I guess I AM the only one not getting any younger!
- I’ve already tried but no one wanted to join this family, which is shocking, right?
- Actually, I found the fountain of youth yesterday, so I’ll always look this hot.
- Boundaries, Auntie, boundaries!
- My therapist recommends a life of joy, fulfillment, and freedom, so probably NEVER.
If your mom points out any negative things about your weight, your hair, your outfit, etc., first try to keep calm. And, trust me, this isn’t the easiest! You could:
- Just smile and change the subject.
- Say, “I know! It’s fabulous, right?!”
- Find a way to discreetly remove yourself from the situation so you can cool off without saying something you’ll probably regret.
- Text a good friend to vent.
- Watch some funny reels or put on headphones with your favorite, chill music.
don’t get into the weeds
If you’re getting just weird, basic, judgy behavior, you don’t have to elaborate on anything you don’t want to. You can simply say…
- “Gosh, I’ve had a long day and won’t be great company at the moment. I’m going to go grab a snack. Can I get you something?”
- “I’m not sure.” (Then, try to find a way out of the conversation, like getting something to drink or going to the restroom.)
- “I need to go check on my dog.” (Don’t forget to actually have a dog!)
Because sometimes deflecting is okay to do.
do come prepared with interesting and awesome questions
- What shows have you been loving?
- Any new books you recommend?
- What’s bringing you joy these days?
- What’s the best thing that happened to you today?
- What are your dreams for the new year?
- What are some of your favorite memories of our childhood Thanksgivings?
Don’t drink More than you can handle (This will only give them more material to work with)
But just in case:
- Have a ride-share app set up on your phone for a safe ride home. (Always check the driver’s license plate with what the app says. Stay safe out there.)
- Bring your preferred headache medicine.
- If you’re staying over, call it a night, change into your jammies, and retire to your designated sleeping quarters.
- Remember this is only once a year…something you can add to your gratitude journal!
- Find a quiet corner and do some online shopping. Pretty things make everything better!
Planning ahead
Kat
can help with the dread.
At least, that’s what I tell myself!
How to Survive Thanksgiving When You’re Traveling
Thanksgiving Traveling Do’s & Don’ts
Navigating the airports and interstates during Thanksgiving is quite a feat. For years, I’ve done both and planning ahead can help with the dread.
If you’re traveling alone, do:
- Pack appropriately if you have to squeeze into an airport restroom with all your luggage. (Remember, you’ll have no one to watch your bags at the terminal.)
- Wear comfy clothes.
- Bring earbuds or noise-cancelling headphones.
- Listen to an audio book or music to block out sounds and commotion that bring you anxiety.
don’t forget to look out for yourself
- Get your car checked out before going on a road trip.
- Stay aware of your surroundings.
- Trust your intuition.
- Be careful when traveling at night.
- Avoid stopping at desolate rest stops or gas stations.
- Keep your phone charged.
if you’re traveling with your kids, do:
- Bring plenty of games and activities to keep them busy.
- Pack meds, change of clothes, bandages, tissues, gum, bottles, diapers, hand sanitizer, and anything else that’ll save the day.
- Let kids who are old enough carry their own little bag to help out.
- Bring snacks.
Don’t forget to have fun
Your kids will be this age only once. Enjoy your time together!
if you’re traveling with someone else’s kids, do:
- Bring patience. Your partner, sibling, or friend’s kids are cute, but sometimes they are NOT so much.
- Bring all the comfort things: eye mask, travel pillow, ear buds, and sunglasses to pretend you’re sleeping when you’re tired of everyone,
- Plan your own activities away from the group for your mental health.
- Reconsider traveling with all these kids! (KIDDING, parents. Your kids are PERFECT.)
don’t let the core family choose every activity
The reason you’re on this trip is because you bring your own fun personality and caring to the group. Make sure they hear your ideas and the stuff that matters to you.
I know, as someone who’s married to a guy with kids, that’s easier said than done. But stepparents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles are important family influencers and should be treated inclusively, too.
If you’re traveling with family, do:
- Consider many of the ideas above.
- Try your best to accept that you can’t change anyone or make certain people happy (like, EVER). You’re only responsible for your own actions.
- Bring emergency supplies and phone numbers, so that one person isn’t taking the brunt of the travel burdens. Definitely account for bad weather, like snow, sleet, and other blustery precipitation.
- Remember it isn’t too late to back out. (Kidding!)
don’t wear out your welcome
It can be tempting to stay several days and maximize your time with loved ones you haven’t seen in a while. But it doesn’t have to be a marathon visit for a good visit.
It’s also important to build in some recovery time from traveling and socializing, especially if you’re an introvert.
Make sure you get back home early enough to have a day or two before you return to your usual school or work routine. There’s nothing like some cozy downtime after a big trip.
{Related Post: 50+ Inspiring Date Night Ideas for Introverts}
How to Survive Thanksgiving When You’re Stuck with Difficult People
Anyone got a few narcissists in the family? Don’t answer that!
There are some people who are just going to be contentious or obnoxious no matter what. Bless their sweet hearts.
Do realize how nice it is that you don’t act like that
One of my coolest managers ever taught me this concept about people who misbehave. It may be wrong, maddening, and unfair, but you can sure be glad you don’t choose to go about life making everything more difficult for others.
You’re awesome because you’re kind. Be proud of that!
don’t forget that their attitude is their hurdle to rise above
It’s always best to take the high road, even if it would feel SO redeeming to have the perfect snarky comeback. If you’re like me, you’ll regret it later, so choose gentleness whenever possible. Choose to never let someone else lower your high standards or cloud over the light in you.
How to Survive Thanksgiving When People Get Stirred Up Over the Election
Oh boy, this is a TOUGH one. But, since this is something that’s on the minds of most of us in the U.S. of A., we might as well talk about NOT talking about it.
do avoid election talk if you can
I know, for me, it’s been hard not to discuss the recent events because I’m passionate about many issues that affect so many people’s lives. But here I am, talking about what I told y’all not to talk about!
If you know everyone in the room has a similar mindset as you (and let me ask you WHO are you and WHAT is this family of yours?!!), it may be okay to let off some steam about the election and what’s to come.
However, even if y’all are all on the same page, it could turn totally gloom and doom quickly and you’re stuck with another downtrodden holiday.
Maybe decide as a group it would be best to take a break from politics….for at least a few hours.
don’t turn a day of gratitude into the next fight club
Most likely, you’ll be surrounded with people with different, very decisive and divisive views. This can even be when you vote for the same party!
Especially now, the world is in turmoil. People are hurting and afraid. So don’t get in a throw-down with your cousin.
- Don’t name-call or stir the pot.
- Don’t fling mashed potatoes at your brother.
- Don’t show the members of the kids’ table that they’re more mature than you. (Which, let’s face it, if you’re starting ‘fight club’, then they probably are.)
- Don’t threaten to leave the country (unless you’re taking everyone on a fabulous vacation but, truly, NO YOU’RE NOT because why would you go anywhere with these people!).
- Don’t challenge anyone to a duel. This is not the Wild West. Right???
do practice empathy even if some people don’t know that word
Not everyone has your heart. It took me a long time to get this into my own head! I had to realize that most people don’t think like me or cry over EVERY SAD (OR HAPPY) DOG REEL.
My resident Renaissance man likes to say, “Kat, you weren’t made for this world.” He’s one of the few people who understands me the most and even he doesn’t understand my composting obsession or why I sound like E.T. when I talk to my dog!
The fact is, no matter what we were hoping for, much of the next several months and years are out of our control. But that doesn’t mean we can’t still hold our heads high, work hard for what we believe in, and be kind.
don’t underestimate the power of the Animals and kids in the room
First of all, if there is a dog, cat, or other furry child present, go talk to them, snuggle them, and do all the cute selfies together. I always sniff out the situation and if I know there’s going to be a dog there, my spirits immediately go up. Let’s face it, I’m really only there for the dogs.
Petting a sweet animal will calm you because they are 100% love and that’s what we all need.
ALSO: If there are kids present, this is an awesome opportunity to be a compassionate example for them. Discuss things fairly, with calmness and respect, and they will soak up every bit of it. Maybe if we do this, the next generation will be rockin’ it when it comes to civility and human kindness.
Got Any Tips on How to Survive Thanksgiving?
This post was all about how to survive Thanksgiving and every holiday. I hope it was helpful, but also entertaining.
I want you to have a joyful, rejuvenating, and safe holiday season. Keep making those spirits bright!
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Oh my…. Your post is too lovely 😊 sounds just like my life couple years ago until I started to change things around. Your ideas are great and definitely can make your life easy. Great post Kat!
Aw, thank you, Domii!! I’m so glad life is moving in a fresh direction for you and that you enjoyed the post! Life is hard and I think humor can get us through some of the tough parts. I so appreciate you reading and your kind words!
Thanks for sharing these great tips!
Elisa, thank you so much for reading and sending your kind note!
Ah, I love the suggested responses to awkward questions. These are great, I may borrow some 😉 Thanks for sharing your tips, Kat!
Yes, these are ideas for everyone! I am typically too nice to speak up sometimes (people pleasing syndrome over here!), but when I prepare myself for anything, it helps with the anxiety! Thank you so much for reading and for your sweet words, Katy! You are definitely a great example of kindness and joy<3
Those are amazing tips that everyone can benefit from. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you, Danoue! I appreciate your note!
I like the suggestions you’ve made. Next time I plan a dinner gathering, I will definitely use your tips. I always blank out and don’t know what to talk about, so preparing topics to talk about and questions is a really good idea. Thank you for sharing ♥
Thank you, Sasha! Yes! I like knowing little facts about people’s lives that I can ask them about. Like, if they’re into romantic comedies, I might ask if they’ve seen any fun ones lately or what they’d recommend. Especially for us introverts, it’s helpful to have some ideas on conversation topics beforehand to lower anxiety and give us a good chance of having a nice time!