50+ Clever Ways on How to Respond to Rude Comments and Questions When You Can’t Think of What to Say

Summary

We all get ourselves into awkward conversations. Here are some tips to help you when you don't know what to say.

Do you ever get stuck and not know how to respond to rude comments and questions? Even though I’m a writer, I’m the worst at comebacks because I tend to want to be too nice. But, what’s the appropriate response to someone who might NOT be so nice?

How to Respond to Rude Comments & Questions

If you struggle with knowing how to respond to rude comments and questions, I hear ya! While I typically want to take the high road, certain situations might call for a clever, “Hush your mouth” moment.

You even might be able to shut down the rudeness and still politely keep your composure. At least, that’s the goal!

After reading this post, you’ll have some creative ideas and perspectives whether you’re learning how to deal with rude relatives or how to respond to a rude text from a friend.

This post is all about how to respond to rude comments and questions without losing your cool.

Storytime

I used to work with a fun and firecracker-y writer who had the best ideas for comebacks. She had a lot of poise and seemed to let plenty of stuff roll off her shoulders. Being someone who hardly could think of anything to say in an awkward moment, I was impressed! I’m sure it was years of experience and practice, but I always felt like why can’t I be more like that?

If someone said something inappropriate, offensive, or blatantly disrespectful, she suggested asking this in a calm and kind of naïve tone:

What did you say?

Responding to rude comments feels awkward, but you’ve got this

Asking someone to repeat an iffy comment will first help you to clarify if they just said what you think they just said. It also re-balances the strange exchange and makes them possibly second-guess what just came out of their mouth, bless their hearts.

There’s always a place for empathy

Also, just to be clear: There are certain situations and people who really do get a pass for saying something that feels uncomfortable. Some of us with social anxiety, mental health stressors, disabilities, or neurodivergent minds might see and say things differently. There are also some people whose first language isn’t our first language and certain words and phrases might get unintentionally misconstrued. So this is where human compassion comes in!

This is not a list on how to be a smart aleck. (There are plenty of other people around who could teach this, so we’re full up on that!) I’d first advocate for being kind over being right or “winning” the conversation.

I’d first advocate for being kind
over being right
or “winning” the conversation.

Kat Stano said this

But some people do know what they’re saying

I’ve written these responses as a guide for you when you’re talking to those who actually do KNOW BETTER. These responses are to help you gain confidence in standing up for yourself and set boundaries if you need to.

Also, some of these responses are for your entertainment because I’m guessing you could use an extra little chuckle today.

And remember, not everything is worth a reply. Politely and respectfully exit the situation if you feel overwhelmed or misunderstood. You can say stuff like:

• I’ve got to go home to let my dog out. (Make sure you have a dog first.)
• I need to run to the restroom!
• Oh, I just remembered I need to return an important call! Please pardon me!

Sometimes the courteous excuse will help you gently remove yourself from the weirdness.

If Someone Makes a Passive Aggressive Remark…

And YOU know and THEY know they just were rude. But passive aggressive comments are really hard to prove.

Some passive aggressive comments aren’t even said directly to you, but for YOUR benefit, to get under your skin in a very subtle and manipulative way. Do we take the bait?

As a highly-sensitive person, I can pick up on tiny cues and clues on people’s vibes. I feel a negative energy, but it’s all very vague. That’s how passive aggressive people like it!

While I’m not a psychologist, I am a human who feels deeply. Here are some rude examples and ways I might respond:

Scenario #1: You cook a casserole for someone else’s kid and they snub your food

“My mom makes the best casserole in the world.”

Okay, ANNOYING. And you know you’re annoyed because it’s all in the tone and delivery. In this scenario, you might be the babysitter, stepmom, auntie, or WIFE. What do you say, sister?

• Oh, that’s nice.
• Is that right?
• Mmm hmm.
• I didn’t know your mom was The Pioneer Woman.
• Say nothing and just smile.

scenario #2: You’re with a group of friends or family and you’re being obviously left out

I’ve seen this happen to other people and it’s happened to me. Nothing may actually be said to you, but you know they’re rude because:

• They may turn their body or face away from you to exclude you.
• They may bring up stories or memories you weren’t a part of to keep you separate from their clique or bond.
• They may joke about something that you’re sensitive about.
• They may purposely not look at you when you speak.
• They may enact rude behaviors they know annoy you.

Each passive aggressive situation is nuanced and specific

While there may be particular things you could say, here are some ideas for all scenarios:

• Try to remove yourself from the party. Depending on the group, you may be able just to slip away. Or you might have to say, “I need to take this call” or “Excuse me while I run to the restroom.”
• Ask a question or make a comment to alert the group that you’re a part of the conversation, too. If they continue to dismiss you, I’d probably find another group to talk to.
• Ask the ringleader, “Do you guys need some time to catch up with each other? It seems like I might be a third wheel. I’m sorry.” This might be slightly passive aggressive, too, but you’re letting them know you know they’re disrespecting you.

I used to date a guy whose entire family
spoke in another language at dinners and holidays.

They’d have long conversations excluding me,
so I’d ask,
“What are y’all talking about?”
or “What’s so funny? I’d like to hear.”

I usually got brushed aside
or a very short explanation, if anything.
Suffice it to say, we broke up!

My sister-in-law is from Colombia, so when her family is in town, they have beautiful conversations in Spanish. However, even though I understand mostly nothing, I always feel included because they tell me what they’re talking about and I even try to speak the tiny bit of Spanish I know to reciprocate.

This is the right way to be with a group of family and friends!

Scenario #3: You get a passive aggressive comment spoken directly to you while you’re in a group of people, like family or coworkers

There are so many ways to be passive aggressive. Just great, right? Here are some examples of what you might hear:

Must be nice…

Wish I could have a cushy job like that…

I’d love if I could do that, too, but I don’t have THAT kind of money lying around…

Oh, you live THERE? FANCY…

That’s great for YOU.

Well, we can’t ALL be as lucky as you…

Guess you finally decided to grace us with your presence…

A lot of times it’s a dig couched between something that seems positive, yet the tone is quite the opposite. If you’re put on the spot in front of other people, sometimes it’s best to just nod and reply with a short answer, like, “Yes, that’s true” or “Thanks for noticing.” Obviously, it depends on what they said.

STorytime

One time, I was sitting with a group at work and someone mentioned where I lived. First of all, the area I live in is considered nice. Second of all, while I love my house, it’s the smallest, probably most rickety one on the street and needs like TONS of repairs like ALL THE TIME. When I say ALL THE TIME, I mean ALL THE TIME.

Sometimes I literally don’t know how my house is still standing.

WELL. One of the people in the group repeated my city and said, “That’s too rich for my blood.”

It was a snarky thing to say and I didn’t even know this person, so that was even weirder. I didn’t have much of a clue on how to respond so I think I said something like, “Yeah, me, too!”

Overall, I tried to relate and be self-deprecating even though I felt like saying, “Okay, just shut up, why wontcha!”

I really don’t know if that was the right answer or not, but I pretty much let it go because why play a mean game, right?

If Someone Makes an Inappropriate or Suggestive Comment…

And it definitely feels weird. Unless you’re both agreeably flirting, unwanted and inappropriate remarks are never cool.

It’s important to know how to respond to rude comments of a harassing nature, especially if you’re a woman or young person.

Unfortunately, many of us have had a creepy boss, coworker, professor, coach, youth pastor, or stranger say things to us that were offensive or crude.

Practice these responses to crude comments

• Please don’t talk to me like that.
• You’re making me uncomfortable. Stop.
• No. (This can be in response to a gross question. Firmly say “no”, put your hand up in a halt, and get away from that individual.)
• That’s inappropriate.
• That’s disrespectful.

Some people are just merely uncouth, while others are absolute scoundrels: use your intuition to Know the difference

You shouldn’t have to take rude comments about your physical appearance or body. While some people can just be unaware of their words, there are some bad people out there and it’s okay to avoid them. Actually, it’s more than okay! Steer clear of creepy brutes!

If someone physically crosses the line, please think through what you’d do in that scenario and be safe out there.

If Someone Asks If You’re Dating Someone…

And you’ve been asked this, I don’t know, maybe 430,000 times.

Why do people feel it’s okay to pry into the romantic lives of single people? Do we ask married people if they’re going to get divorced?

I know the intention is typically harmless, but it’s one of those conversation topics that people can be sensitive about.

Maybe they’d really like to date someone nice for a change, but it’s been impossible to meet anyone halfway eligible.

Maybe they don’t want to be dating at all and that they feel, as an independent person, there’s more to them than if they’re coupled up.

Maybe they just went through a bad breakup. Maybe they’re dating a jerk.

There are zillions of other questions to ask a single person…who also just happens to be a PERSON.

Cool questions to ask

• What have you been doing for fun lately?
• Watching anything good on Netflix?
• Have you been following the Olympics?

how to respond to rude comments and questions about your personal life

If Someone Asks If You’re Pregnant, Expecting, Got a Bun in the Oven, or When’s the Happy Day…

And you’re 100% NOT with child.

Not that I’m counting, but I’ve been asked this FIVE times. FIVE! And I’ve been asked everything listed above.

Spoiler Alert: Every time the answer was NO.

Here’s my question: How have we gotten this far as a society but yet people still feel okay to point out some of us who might not have a perfectly flat tummy? I myself have a perfectly not-flat tummy and even when I was 125 pounds, it was still a little squishy!

But to give people grace, not all of us are super well-spoken or just might not know better or may have some challenges with social situations. Some of us (ME!) are pretty awkward overall. So, I understand how blunders can be made.

But, Y’ALL. Let’s just try not to go there with asking someone if they’ll be giving birth anytime soon.

Here are some responses, though, if this does indeed happen. These won’t all be your personality, but maybe they can help you get ready beforehand, and you pick what feels right and comfortable for you to say.

How to respond to rude comments and Questions about your tummy